HACKERZ and STALKERZ
by Bored Konoha Kunoichi
Summary: SasuSaku.oneshot. "They've been HACKING into ALL OUR STUFF! IMs, facebook, e-mails, EVERYTHING!" "Ino, now you're bringing my nonamenoface STALKER into this...this is getting stupid." They thought their conversation was safe. They were SO wrong...


**A/N**: I'm BACKnot for _good_, necessarily, but hey, I'M STILL WILLING TO WRITE FANFICTION!!

**Please, PLEASE READ THE AUTHOR'S NOTE ON THE BOTTOM OF THE PAGE!! IT'S IMPORTANT!!**

**Disclaimer**: I'm a _teenage_ **Korean**_**GIRL, **_NOT a _genius_ JAPANESE **artist**name Kishimoto…if I owned Naruto, it'd be _SAKURA_ healing Sasuke, _SAKURA_ that Sasuke would thank for saving his life, and _SAKURA _that Sasuke would be asking if she was okay, NOT THE RED HAIRED SLUT WITH BAD HAIR!! (I can tolerate off the line style, and I can tolerate sluttiness…BUT I CANNOT TOLERATE HIDEOUS HAIR!!)

**Warnings: **BAAAAAD GRAMMER, some unnecessay and stupid chat speak, some spelling mistakes, a pinch of Ino-ness, and an overdose of randomness...it's not possible, it's corny, it's stupid, it's _fanfiction. HA. TAKE THAT._

BUT I STILL PROMISE YOU THAT IT WILL BE OKAY! IT'S WORTH READING!! I think...

oh, and by the way, if you ever wonder as you're reading WHY they're typing with correct capitalizations and punctuation, Microsoft Word automatically fixes simple errors...

* * *

**..:.:.:HACKERZ and STALKERS:.:.:..**

_Idea and story by_

_Bored Konoha Kunoichi_

_._

_..._

_...X..._

_..._

_._

"Ino, what is goin—"

"Sh! I love you, so please shut up for a sec, hon."

Ino is sweet-talking. _Ino _is _sweet-talking._

She's definitely pissed.

"Stop pulling me so hard! I totally know the way to your room—heck, I know your whole_ dorm_ inside out—"

"Sweetie, not now. Here we are…my keys….and…okay. Get in, forehead."

"…"

"In front of my baby please- _don't touch the screen!_ As much as I love you, I'd hate to see fingerprints on my baby's face…turn it on for me, will you?"

Click. Whrrrr.

"There we go…um, Ino, it's not a really good time fo—what's with the window shades? Is someone out there? This is like, the _third floor_."

"No, no, it's totally nothing. Anyways, okay. So, I have like, the _**cutest **__outfit EVER _to show you!"

"…_that's_ why you just _dragged_ me here? Ugh, I gotta finish—"

Glare _(Pleaseshutupandplayalong,willyou?!)_

"—nothing! So, let me see."

Click.

* * *

**Welcome.**

**Microsoft Office Word 2007**

**.**

**..**

Open new file? Yes No

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Open new file? **Yes** No

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Document 1 – Microsoft Word non-commercial use

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..

You're bold I'm normal okay?

Sakura, don't stare at me like that did you get it or not?

* * *

.

Silence.

Sakura arches a brow, and Ino starts slowly nodding to her in an encouraging manner.

Still suspicious, the former pulls the laptop in her direction.

.

* * *

…**Hi.**

Hi to you too. Good to know you still know how to read. Now giggle and comment on how pretty the skirt is.

I'm serious so don't give me the look.

Please?

NOW.

* * *

.

"Like, oh my god, it's like, so cute! The brown pleats are _adorable_! I'd really love to have this!"

Smile.

"See? Told you so! Let's look through the accessories- I think the bracelets are on sale."

Ino's expression falls again, her eyebrows knitting and slightly pouting in vexation.

.

* * *

I am NOT happy.

…**I can tell. a/wys, um, wtf?**

my "childhood friend" is a fucking genius, that's what

**Nooo, I mean, WHY ARE WE TYPING AND GIGGLING?! **

**Wait, Shika? The pineapple? You know, phone would've been great for gossiping too, go**

THAT'S THE PROBLEM!!

He's been listening to our conversations + gossips

**?!**

yeah he's been tapping phones, hacking our emails + facebook accounts, installing recording tapes, IMs and EVERYTHING!!

…**the hell?? **

**You **_**think so**_**, or he **_**is**_**??**

He IS! I KNOW so…

**Um, okay…sure**

I'm serious!!

**Well this is certainly new…**

…**Ino, **_**darling,**_ **I think youre just paranoid…cut down the coffee, k?**

No I'm not!! I'm trying to help YOU!! I thnk he's been helping been helping your stupid "dark knight" get you…

* * *

.

Stare.

"Ino, I—"

"Sh!" she shushes Sakura with her hand, "I know, the dress looks amazing. Don't ruin the moment."

A brief warning glare is sent Sakura's way, then is replaced with a please-don't-be-stupid-and-just-listen-to-me-for-a-second-trust-me look.

Sigh.

.

* * *

Sakura, _please._ Only kami knows whether Shika installed a recording tape by the window or sth…k? so keep up with the giggling.

…**You just brought up my nonamenoface mystery **_**stalker**_** into this...**

**this is getting really stupid, you know?**

it's NOT STUPID!!

**w/e, and btw, I think this is the most creative you've ever been since 1****st**** grade…**

**ANYWAYS, where did you even **_**get**_** the idea??**

I just know so.

**HOW?!**

BECAUSE, DAMMIT!!

Give me a sec I'm gonna type out all evidence…stay still for a sec, k?

* * *

.

Ino drags the black laptop completely to her side.

She types a bit, then turns it around to Sakura to show.

.

* * *

Oh, n keep talking about some clothes or something…

* * *

.

She takes the laptop back.

A moment later, only the rapid, furious key sounds are heard.

Giving up on trying to stop her friend, Sakura props her elbow on the table and rests her chin.

"Mm…I think I might actually get those earrings," she says in pseudo-happiness, "they might go with my white shirt."

She watches her friend still hunched over the laptop with determination, and wonders whether Ino needs medications, or whether she is actually right.

"I need to go shopping for a new dress for that upcoming spring dance—maybe I should get that blue one we just saw."

"No, blue doesn't go with your hair _or_ your eyes," Ino responds, still typing, "get the aqua-emerald one."

_Medications, _Sakura settles on the answer.

Ino finally looks up.

Grin.

"I found the perfect earrings!"

.

* * *

So dark knight has been mysteriously sending you gifts n stuff for like 3 months now since like, January…a/wys, number one!!

do u remember the time we talked bout Valentines? You said tht chocolates, flowers + teddies were soo unoriginal and kinky...said you'd rather want sth that shows that the person put "thoughts and care" into the gift…like accessories….then you started talking about how you needed earrings to go with your new pink sundress or something…

few days later, on _Valentine's Day,_ you found _pink and beige earrings in your locker that totally matched the dress._

Sometime later you were complaining about not enough shoes or something….you were like saying that your feet were too big, and all the cute shoes didn't fit AT ALL.

The next gift dark knight sent you were _shoes_. _And they fit you perfectly._

And…um…

Oh, and the cute guy in your literature class that you told me about broke his arm "playing soccer" coughcough a few days after we talked about how he was staring at you in class.

I think those are like, the major events, but there are minor ones too if you wanna hear about them all.

a/wys, this totally proves that _somebody_ has been listening on in our conversations, phone talks and IMs…

and coincidentally, your dark knight has been sending you all the stuff you wanted or needed that you talked about w/ me.

SO, the hacker and the dark knight HAS to be ACQUAINTED!!

NOW WHAT DO YOU THINK?

* * *

Gape.

.

Smirk.

* * *

**HOW DO YOU KNOW- REMEMBER-KEEP TRACK OF ALL THIS?!**

**AND RELATE THEM!! AND COME UP WITH THIS STUPID THEORY OF YOURS!!**

**AND, AND, **

**IT'S NOT EVEN YOUR LIFE!!**

Well, it's my bf's barely existing love life, so I think I paid enough attention, thank you very much!!

How could you NOT NOTICE!! EVEN I NOTICED!!

God, you're so oblivious- no wonder you don't _have_ a love life!! And Dark knight doesn't count!!

a/wys, what I typed is ALL TRUE, 'cause I clearly remember every single one of them.

So do you believe me now?

**Um..kinda, not really…**

**still totally confused…**

**a/wys if you WERE right, I can't BELIEVE soneone's been listening on, hacking, and, and, EVERYTHING!!**

**That's like, INVADING PRIVACY!! **

**UGH.**

**a/wys, how does **_**shika**_** come in, tho?**

Psh. I've known him all my life, and I know almost everybody in this school.

He's like the _**only one**_ capable of _doing_ this stuff for someone else.

…

…**for someone **_**else**_**?**

He kinda not really did it for Choji in high school cause shika felt sorry for him..

And no, shika wouldn't do it for himself. He's too lazy…n tht's WAAAY too corny for him.

The only way he'd do it is if he was threatened by one of his close friends, or there's a really good friend that he feels bad for…

The former's prob. the case, tho…

Like _he'd_ actually do something just cause he _pities them._

So dark knight probably threatened him…

…**I'm totally lost….**

Ugh, do I _have_ to explain to you _slower?!_

a/wys, doesn't matter—just know that's it's all right

**I **_**really**_** don't get where all this is coming from, but uh,**

**I hope your um, rather **_**profound**_** knowledge of Shika's nature is correct…**

**How long have you spent **_**thinking**_** about this?**

For some time, really—I wanted to think of all the proofs and the possibilities before you know, telling you…

Cause I seriously KNOW that I'm RIGHT, and otherwise you probably wouldn't have believed me

**Who are you and what have you done with Ino?!**

What?? Well, _excuse me!_ I am her! What's wrong _NOW?!_

**It's sounds too smart from Ino!! Proofs? Possibilities? Since when did **_**you**_** "consider" these??**

Psh. I've always been intelligent, thank you very much…

a/wys, back to the point

DO YOU BELIEVE ME NOW?!

**I'm **_**still**_** having a pretty hard time believing…but things actually **_**kinda**_** fit…**

**No wonder you've been failing Literature…**

**You spend half the time **_**digging into my biz.**_

**Really, if you spent time on your projects like you've been **_**analyzing**_** my love life, you'd be getting A+s in that class**

Shut up and be grateful that _someone_ cares

My lit projects ROCK. You're just jealous

But yeah, I think this is seriously one of my best works _ever._

It's like, investigating!

**Yeah, sure, I'm sure you had a lot of fun theorizing with my life**

* * *

.

Silence.

Sakura leans back in her chair, arms crossed.

She blows a strand of hair blocking her vision.

Ino watches carefully, expecting the next reaction from her.

.

* * *

…

**So um, what do you want me to do now??**

**Even if we know,**

**It's not like we can walk up to Shika , slap him and be like,**

"**YOU BASTARD HOW COULD YOU HACK INTO OUR STUFF!!"**

**..**

**Are you just gonna make me sit in your room all day typing so we can gossip??**

Noooooo, we're gonna find WHO the dark knight is..

Then we can confront him, cause _this has to stop_

**Did you plan about **_**this**_** beforehand, too? Like, what we were gonna do **_**after**_** you told me??**

Yup!

I told you that I had this thoroughly thought out

…_**too**_** well thought out…**

Stop complaining…a/wys, let's start

It has to be one of Shika's close friends…that's a clue.

someone who's corny enough to do this..

**and pathetic enough to hack into girls' **_**gossips**_** and stupid enough to even **_**think**_** of DOING SOMETHING LIKE THIS!!**

DO NOT POUND ON MY BABY!

Calm down. Here's a list of ppl close 2 shika..

Choji.

I'm eliminating that choice myself…

he has a major crush on the new flavor of potato chips right now…

**Nice to know**

Naruto

**No…Naruto wouldn't be this "secret"**

**He'd be running around the halls saying he loves me or sth**

**N he'd send me ramen coupons, not shoes**

**And even IF he got me accessories or sth, they'd be orange and hideous**

Sure, w/e u say

Shino or Kiba.

**Shino's a no-no…**

**he's secretive and quiet, but like, not a "stalker type"….**

I think Kiba's a good candidate

**Yeah, I guess..**

**He's on the culprit list for now**

Lee or Neji…

But we know that Lee expresses his "love" for you very openly…

And Neji, well…

**I can't imagine NEJI doing that…OR crushing on me.**

**Nu-huh. They're both _not_.**

Hate to say, but totally agreed..

Neji wouldn't like someone like _you_

**No one would like **_**you**_** either, PIG.**

Thank you, I love you too.

Then there's Sai.

…**I **_**don't**_** think so…**

Actually, possible!

**What?!**

* * *

Smile.

.

Glare.

* * *

I know it's not a "pleasant idea", but well, it _is_ possible

He's really unpredictable,

Not exactly the most social person around, but he's really sweet sometimes

_And_ he does a lotta weird things most of the time

**No comment**

Come _on, _we're talking about who it _could _be,

_NOT_ who we _want_ it to be

w/e, then lastly,

Sasuke

* * *

.

Stare.

Twitch.

Ino tilts her head.

Sakura raises a brow.

…

Snort.

Giggle.

Then they crack up.

.

* * *

Okay, Kiba or Sai it is

**Definitely.**

**I can't believe you even **_**considered**_** well, HIM!!**

I said I was just giving out the list of ppl close w/ Shika!!

And he was just one of them!!

**w/e…**

**we both know he's off the list**

**I mean, he wouldn't do this kinda thing**

**he's…**_**SASUKE!**_

Totally

He's THE arrogant jerkface

He can pick up girls from streets with a smirk

**well, **_**excuse me**_

I mean, like, not _you_

he does it with those sluts

not somebody _strong-willed_ and _intelligent_ like you!!

**w/e**

**a/wys, what's the battle plan?**

..?

**How are we going to get them to **_**stop this?!**_

**I thought you had this like, all **_**planned **_**out, like a schedule or sth**

Well, uh…I thought I might let _you_ decide, you know?

Since it is _your_ stalker, not mine

**You just didn't **_**think**_** that far, did you**

Hey, at least _I _was actually smart enough to figure out all this!!

So, what are you going to do?

…**I think we should meet up with Shika and the culprits and talk to them…**

What if the "culprits" are _not_ the real culprits?

**Um…honestly don't know**

Knowing Kiba, even if he wasn't, he'd say he _was_ the one, and ask you out or sth..

And Sai would...

Well, kami knows what Sai's gonna do

**Actually, I wouldn't mind Kiba**

**If he asks me out, I'm prob gonna go w/ the flow**

Are you _serious?!_

**Maybe..j/k**

**We'll plan this later**

Tonight, here again?

**Sure**

**X**

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.

Do you want to save the changes to Document 1?

Yes...No...Cancel

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Do you want to save the changes to Document 1?

Yes...**No**...Cancel

* * *

"Hey Ino, sorry, but I really have to go now," Sakura says, "I still need to finish my bio chem. project."

"Aw, that sucks…I don't think I have any projects due."

"_Ino,_ _you're in my class."_

"…shit."

"Have fun! I'm almost done. It's due tomorrow, you know. You need a power point, an eight page essay, and—"

"Whatever, get out!"

Slam.

* * *

**Some where else on campus**

"Hey, Shikamaru, did get everything?"

"Yeah…"

"That's so _cool!_ How'd it work again?"

Sigh.

"Naruto, I told you more than ten times already…just accept that your brain's not capable of understanding that."

"Just tell me one more time! Please?"

"I stole Ino's laptop, hacked it, installed my chip that communicates with mine right here…so on my screen you can see everything that's going on on _her_ screen."

"…could you say that one more time?"

"No. Anyways, we're busted. Ino found out."

"What? What are we gonna do? He's going to blow! Let me call the bastard right now—"

"Nah, I think it's about time he came out of hiding anyways. Three months is long enough."

"That's just him. Just because he can't crawl out of his emo shell to ask out a girl—"

"At least I can _talk_ to one, dobe."

"Teme! When'd you get here?"

"Now. How did it go?"

"This is more troublesome than you might think…you better keep your promise."

"Yeah, sure."

"By the way, we're busted. They know."

"…shit."

"I'd say that too, teme."

"Well, they know I've been hacking them. They don't know that the "stalker" is you."

"Stalker?"

"Sakura-chan called you a stalker! I mean, you are one, if you thin—"

"Naruto, shut up. Anyways, they think you're Sai or Kiba or something."

"…"

"H, hey teme? Were are you going?"

"At least close the door, dammit, it's _my_ room."

"…"

"…"

"…twenty says that he's gonna go for Kiba's arms first, Shika."

"Twenty five says that he's gonna go for Sai first."

"Deal."

**..:.:.:THE...END:.:.:..**

**.**

* * *

**A/N:**

**IT'S MY ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY TODAY!!**

Well, yeah, I know that I haven't updated or written in anything in the last six months, a.k.a half a year…but STILL!!

Today's the day that marks that I've had this account officially for a year…though there's really only an hour left until the "special day"'s gonna be over…

I just want to truly, _truly, and I MEAN TRULY _thank all my readers, who have bothered to read my stories, be caring enough to alert them, fav them, review them, and this includes those of you who have alerted or faved _me, _the author for the past year.

It's all unbelievable. Really. Who knew a person like _me_ would be writing _fanfiction? _And SasuSaku at that too. I am very aware that I have been an annoying and frustrating author who wouldn't _update _(so ironic that I've been sitting at my own laptop complaining that my favorite authors won't update, dang it)…I know that I'm not one of the "big popular authors" who have thousands of people waiting for them to update, but still, I am so very sorry, and I apologize for the delay…

I don't think I can promise that I'll be updating more frequently, because, well, I'm moving. Rather, I kind of moved. New town, new school, and I can't promise that I'll be sitting be able to sit in front of my laptop leisurely typing.

Still, I'm going to write. I'm not going to quit fanfiction, **I WILL FINISH LOATHING SOME DAY, DAMN IT!!**

It may sound stupid that in a sense, almost noname author like me is making such a big deal about a _one-year anniversary._ But it's very special to me. It's one of the longest commitments I've made and lasted, and I plan to keep it that way.

**Once again, thank you all so much for all the wonderful support.**

…

**About the story...sorry if it was bad, and was not like my usual writing..**

**slightly rushed, and a new idea...:D**

-Now, if you liked the story, go ahead, click that li'l baby blue button that says "go" and drop by what you think

-If you didn't like the story, wow, I have no clue why you still bothered to read the whole author's note and is currently reading this, please don't flame. It's not worth your time typing, nor mine reading. _CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISMS ARE WELCOME!-_

-_**REVIEW**_** or I'll SEND THE EIGHT-TAILED BEAST AFTER YOU AND MAKE YOU LISTEN TO HORRIBLE RAPPING EVERY SECOND OF YOUR LIFE!!- **I know, an unwarned spoiler…just it doesn't really ruin anything. Just know that the eight-tailed beast is a rapper wannabe, and he _sucks. HA._


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